Gymnastics.

Yesterday was the first session of Gymnastics.
As expected Rye did refuse to join in properly.  Initially I went in with him, and ooh, I could actually jump because the floor is so sprung, I can't tell you how long it's been since I last jumped!
It was fairly obvious that Rye was going to hide behind my skirts, so to speak, so I told him I was going to go and watch him from behind the window and walked out.  I expected him to follow me.

He didn't.  That immediately was fantastic and a step forward.
For a while he sat in the corner, jiggered, sat on the mats, rolled back, kicked is feet in the air.  He couldn't help himself though, the coach working with the other little boy in the session, was just too interesting not to creep closer and watch.  Soon I noticed he was copying what the coach was showing the other little boy to do.  The coach kept asking Rye if he wanted a go, he refused.  Yet he wasn't completely defiant,   He did sit when she asked him to  And importantly when the session ended, he walked alongside her and spoke with her.  She asked him if he'd enjoyed himself, and he said he had.

I'm very hopeful he will begin to participate at future sessions.
And I'm really proud of him.  When we first started Forest School he stood next to me, cuddling me and refusing to join in, and it tooks weeks and weeks, if not months for him to settle.  So while on the surface it looks like he's doing refusal again, it's a massive step forward.

I had taken a lot of story books, a simple craft and Rye's handwriting book and reading book to Gymnastics because I was taking a friend's children with me too, and F is in the older group.  I also had my minded child with me.  Anyway, after the sessions we went to our friend's house, I only planned to stay for a bit, but of course we got chatting and stayed much longer.  Rye asked if he could do some of his workbook.  So I gave it to him.  Up to now I've been saying it's something we need to do together, and haven't got around to it.  Just giving it to him was a relevation.  He sat there and worked through several pages; his penmanship and control has improved phenomenally.  I was so excited.  And it taught me a valuable lesson of not being so blinkered by "doing it right"   I suppose I'd got it into my head that the work books were something we needed to sit and do together and work through them sequentially.  Rye has shown me that actually he's much more productive just leaving him be.  After that he wanted a story, so we read his reading book together.

This morning in bed Rye counted up to 20 too.  I wasn't sure he could, and sure he missed 15 out, still, all good stuff.  So we counted up to 50 together, and then we talked about how many sleeps it was to is birthday (haha not something I can work out in my head), so instead I told him the order of the months.  He just chatted and chatted revealing a knowledge of so many things I didn't realise he had.


Oooh and for the outdoor challenge, I'm afraid such a busy day there wasn't a great deal of outdoor play, maybe half hour in the garden in the morning while I hung washing out and the kids played with the scooters and the sandpit.

Natural unschooling.

 I've been toying with adding in more structure, in part because of Rye almost certainly being

aspergers, I am informed that such children thrive with routine and structure

I look at our days though, and I wonder...

 He is loving the connecting straws and building more and more

complicated structures.

Nervous mama has given him unrestricted access to scissors.

And as a consequence his scissor skills are improving dramatically.

Came back from hanging out laundry to find with a 

Thomas the Tank Engine first handwriting book.

(and yes he loves the "new" chair)

For Aunty Jen - a citiblock aeroplane.

A house, which he's played with all evening, creatively

and also working out scenarios.

We've been discussing quite a bit what happens should we ever loose each other in town

Rye finds it distressing to talk about, yet this evening he was telling the figures

"If you get lost go into a shop and tell the person at the till you're lost and I'll find you"

**melt**

Making cake.

We've also watched short videos on meerkats and bat earred foxes on National Geographic Kids

he's played with mindie, and shared beautifully.

He's played with playdough 

He's sung songs

He's asked questions

But the most important thing......

He's happy.

I don't know.

This week has been wearying.
Rye's initial assessment was frustrating, distressing, illuminating.  Frustrating that yet another expert seems to believe home education means keeping one's child in a bubble, and refused to listen to anything that contridicted the belief.  Distressing because my fears were realised and it does appear that Rye may be Aspergers and also have a condition called Pathalogicial Demand Avoidance Syndrome; that contrariness I've on ocassion ranted about, well it's not just a 4yr old phase, it is a symptom of Rye feeling out of control and anxious.    He has been referred for a thorough assessment, which should happen in the next 6 months.  And there's the illumination too. 

PDA.  I'm not interested in the politics surrounding this condition; whether it is or not a part of Aspergers, whether one can have PDA and Aspergers together etc.  I don't care really, I just want to know how best to help my son - that other stuff is the politics of these conditions and let the experts argue it out.  All I want to know is how do we progress now, and then there's also that nothing has changed, yet everything has changed.

I am struggling with some of it; the biggy being love.  Does Rye understand love?  Is he capable of it or is it simply a tool for manipulation, for controlling his enviroment, me? 

The mind whirls, even when asleep it dream ponders; nothing is resolved. 
Don't be silly of course he loves you, and we all use "love" to manipulate to some degree.
Is Rye's degree so encompassing he doesn't feel love?
Doesn't change your love for him; he learns about love from you.
"superficial, superficial, superficial, superficial"  A word that means with no substance or meaning, of no emotional depth; and this is the word that is constantly used in reference to PDA.  My heart breaks a little bit more.  What will the future hold for my boy if he is incapable of love?

Is he incapable? All those hugs, "I love you mummmeeeee", the delight on his face when he sees me, racing into my arms, wanting to be so close to me he prefers to sleep in my bed, his delight he takes in showing me something he's acheived/done.... turning to me when he's hurt himself.  Trusting me to make it better.   His shinning eyes, his laughter and joy.  If those things are not a part of love, then what is?