Thursday, 19 July 2012

I cannot think of a title for this post. 
There has been a terribly tragic accident in my little community, a friend's 2yr old little girl drowned in the bath a week ago.  We are all devastated and rallying around the family.  The little girl has left a big, big hole in our hearts and in our little community.  Life just isn't the same, a new norm will emerge but at the moment, we are all resisting, we do not want a new norm, we want her back.

Somewhat surprised by Rye's reaction, or rather non reaction.  I understood about Peter, Rye never met him, and death is such an enormous concept for a young child to grasp.  The little girl though, he knew her, played with her, often asked after her.  Yet when I told him, he didn't seem concerned, and when I asked him if he understood that this was sad thing to happen, he asked "Why?".  I'm a bit of a loss really, he seems to have thoroughly accepted she is no longer here.  Never mentions her, nor has it raised any questions of his own mortality or mine.  I have some concerns over his lack of empathy, or apparent lack of, but what to do?  I'm really not sure.  Do I talk more about death with him, about the little girl, do I ask seeking questions on whether he misses her, feels sad, or do I leave be and accept that at this time Rye is not emotionally developed enough to grasp these things?  


Cornish Mummy...x said...

no real advice Joxy but passing on deepest love for you and the family of the little girl xxxx

Rose said...

Firstly I'm so sorry to hear this news. Lighting candles in my heart for all who were touched by her.
Secondly, I'm not so certain you should be hugely concerned about Rye - he is young and young children are reasonably pragmatic. Or he might not understand fully, or he might be blocking it out because he doesn't want to know more, I also think although we absolutely percieve this kind of event as utterly tragic and in our understanding it absolutely is, maybe just maybe equanimity isn't as unthoughtful as you are fearing it is - Rye maybe can't articulate his ideas. There is a great book called something like 'Ways dinosaurs die' or something - deffinitly dinosaurs. My friend suffered horrifically last year too and left this out for her boy to read. He did, he aknowledged it and told her he would like to talk, buyt some other time, he still hasn't but I tihnk it helped him keep forming and making sense of his ideas on what happened. Does any of that help?
Much love x

Pippa Dore said...

That's terrible Joxy, really, really sad. As for Rye, I think something as massive as this takes a bit of time for a child to believe. As adults, we can hardly believe how life just seems to carry on following a tragedy, so it must be worse for a child. I imagine Rye's reaction will come out in other ways once it has sunk in that his friend is not coming back. I don't think it's a lack of empathy, just the total mind-blowing thought of someone who was so alive, suddenly not ever, ever being there again. My initial reaction to my grandpa dying was to laugh, it took years to feel the blow of his passing and I was in my early teens. My advice would be to keep talking openly, so it makes it easier for Rye should he have questions or anxieties and I bet you're doing that anyway.

Sending a big hug to you and the family of this little girl. xxxxx