Wednesday, 30 March 2011

Aggressive hugging.

Ok mama's I need some advice because frankly I'm  pissed off and fed up of trying to explain to Rye why grabbing my mindee around the neck from behind to hug and then pulling her backwards so she falls down is NOT NICE.  I've worked on friendships and what friends do for and to each other (very simply of course), I've worked on emotions and when a person is sad and crying then that is a big, big cue to stop - and currently working on respecting personal space.  But frankly it's not appearing to sink in.

He enjoys making her cry - and ok she does cry alot to get attention, and she is often happy to tumble about and jump on him when she wants to - but when he wants to wrestle she immediately starts saying Rye is hitting her, he's pushing etc.  So half a dozen of one and 'other - so she's giving mixed signals - not that's her fault, she is only 2.  I keep asking Rye to look at her face, to see how upset she is, to understand that when she squawks it means she doesn't like what he's doing and he must stop.  She even tells him now that she doesn't like whatever it is... and I do get he is enjoying his place of power that he can do something to her and she can't stop him... and it's not really him being a bully or mean - even if the behaviours do quite often look that way.  He's negotiating what is acceptable and what is not.

When will he get it though - because I really, really cannot have him grabbing her like this, he is double her size, and he's starting to do it with other children too - and I noticed most are smaller than him.  He is only 4, and a newish four at that, so despite his size, he is still a wee one himself.  I am really worried he's going to hurt her.  I watch and intervene far more than I ever have at the moment, and to be honest, appart from seperating them totally, I'm at a bit of a loss. 


1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Perhaps he's just testing you now. If you've explained about all those things, and he's understood, maybe he's just doing it to see what will happen. I have the same behaviour with my 4 year old, and since she's old enough and has the understanding as to why what she is doing is wrong, the only thing I can do is give her a little time out. Just a couple of minutes sat on the settee away from the younger one, and an apology for being mean.