Today has not been a good day.
Rye has alwasy been a very active little boy; as he gets older I'm beginning to wonder if its something more. Rye is not overly great at empathy either - actually that's an under statement, it's not that he doeesn't see when someone is upet or happy, he just doesn't seem to care. I am constantly intervening between him and the little girl I mind. Now, ok, he ignores her crying in large part because she's a wee bit of a drama queen and will cry at the slightest thing, so when he does actually hurt her, he doesn't take any notice of her crying. Still, he ignores when she tells him she doesn't like something he's doing, or asks him to stop. He just keeps on, so it becomes pestering and tormenting. Frankly it's driving me batty and the only time he stops is if I get really angry and shout.
I don't want to spend my life shouting at him though, there has got to be a better way. I've read how to talk to kids.... and I try to use it as much as possible, but he just doesn't listen. Having a simply conversation is hard enough, having to keep pulling him back on topic as he randomly starts talking about other things........ so when trying to talk to him about his behaviour is neigh on impossible.
I am wondering if maybe nicking an idea from the Sonlight programme, might help him? I'm tired so I can't think what it's called at the moment; basically it's a ring binder with lots of pictures in it. Rye is a visual learner and while he can follow fairly complex instructions, it can take repeating a few times before he's successful. I wonder if making up a ring binder with different pictures of emotions, our rhythm etc will help him to listen effectively.
Shouting and being angry is just not helping; sure in the short term I get his cooperation, or the very least a temproary respite of whichever behaviour is beginning to really piss me off. But he is coping my tone when angry..and hearing it parroted back to me.. well its cringeworthy and very shaming. So long term I'm simply adding to the problem of his behaviour.
Rhythm, again this helps so I need to be more mindful of keeping our rhythm a bit more in place... I'm a lackadaisical type of person, and while Rye can be adaptable.. I am beginning to wonder if some of his manic behaviour is a response to that.
Although to be fair too, the past few days has been sugar fest of the highest order... and yes I know, I've always said I have never noticed much of a difference in his behaviour in relation to what he's eaten....... but he has been so awful today that maybe it does. Worth investigating anyway.
I wrote on a forum I use earlier that there's time I don't like him, that I worry he's turning into a bully, or will end up being abusive like his dad has been in the past.....I love him, absolute no doubt about that...... but oh my, I do have such fears for him. However, he's now sat on my bedroom floor, looking at some Cars cards, chattering away to himself and I can't help but smile and chide myself... how can I not like and love this boy; he's delightful............. but wow he's hard work and wow he really makes me examine myself and how I parent him... and at the moment, I loathe the way I'm parenting him, it's not often I feel tearful, but tonight I could cry my heart out. Tonight single parenthood seems the pits.
But lets try and end with some positivity; a few things to implement that hopefully will help me to parent in a much more "gentle" way:
1. change diet
2. use rhythm much more
3. create pictorial folder of emotions, actions, behaviours etc.
And I sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo need to meditate more! I find it helps enormously with controlling my temper!